Distance makes the heart grow fonder
Relationship according to the dictionary is defined as the state of being connected (by blood or marriage but neither apply to this post so I am just going to leave it in brackets :D). Having a connection with that special person is truly amazing because you are able to share basically every moment together. You're able to laugh, cry, vent about the day and occasionally shout at that special person (I promise I don't do this too often though ;)).
For the past three years I have been able to share those moments I mentioned earlier with KG. Having him here in Cape Town, studying the same degree, made life so much easier and naturally more enjoyable. Our relationship was able to grow and a firm foundation was laid because of the connection of being in the same city, university and even residence together. Fast forward to January 2018 and it literally felt like my comfortable bubble of Cape Town with KG in it had been popped within an instant. I now had to face the reality of completing what I felt like was the hardest year at medical school without my person, whilst he embarked on a probably even more difficult journey of being a first year intern. So I thought it would be fitting to talk about ways I found helped to get me through this year- especially for those who are about to embark on this journey as well as to those currently going through it (knowing you're not alone can also be super reassuring).
1. Communication communication communication
If I could emphasise this more as I write this post, then I would. Each person is different regarding communicating within their relationships. Some find it super easy talking to the other person and expressing how they are feeling whereas others don't really enjoy opening up. I am stressing communication because express myself through my mood and my facial expressions- and I suck at expressing myself with words. The harsh reality of distance hit me when I had to learn how to do these things using emoticons (which are getting quite creative I must say) and words. The hardest part was reading messages which could easily be misinterpreted because of the mere fact of the person not being physically present to explain using their tone of voice and body language. The struggle was definitely real but with time I adapted. We're nearing the end of the year and I am still getting the hang of it but my advice is to always express your thoughts and feelings to your significant other.
2. Never go to bed upset with each other
This is a rule KG and I have kept from the beginning of the relationship and it is super important when you're not in the same city. Firstly, it causes insomnia which is quite unpleasant (especially if you know you will only sleep better once the misunderstanding is resolved) and secondly talking it out then and there just shows that you value point number 1 and would prefer to sort everything out before it is carried over to the next day which might lead to an even bigger argument.
3. Try to spend time with each other
This is a tough one but it is important to try and visit each other as often as your time and budget allows. It is needed, especially if you have spent a lot of time together before the long distance began. You genuinely do miss each other. We try to see each other at least every two months but it does make it easier because KG moved to my home town so I basically visit my family and him at the same time when I go back for holidays.
4. Know your love language
This has been super important for me, not only now but it has been from the beginning of the relationship. It allows you to undertand what your partner appreciates as well as how they show their affection. One of my love languages is acts of service. Pinterest has been my best friend when it comes to cute gift ideas. I just add my own personalized twist to the idea and I send it to KG occasionally (I will do a blog post on thoughtful gift ideas that I have made for KG soon). Go to https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ to find out what your love language is and then try and express it. It will definitely turn a difficult day into the happiest for your person!
And finally...
5. Get into your own routine
Life unfortunately has to go on once your person has left for another city. I can't stress how important it is to get back into your own routine. Never isolate yourself from your friends or family because you miss your person. It is also a great opportunity to spend quality time with yourself. Use this time for self reflection and to just get to know yourself! Take whatever you learn in this time as golden nuggets that you can invest into your relationship to allow it grow even stronger.
Xx